Missing something.
4 months ago

Shanu Basuri

Learning to be a beginner

Shanu Basuri

Learning to be a beginner...

Fiction

#Fiction


Is it wrong to understand anything lately?


Lately, I have been missing myself a lot. And the feeling is very weird, as if the emptiness has settled in me, and I have welcomed it without even a second thought. Every moment feels like a debt on myself, as if I owe myself the love I have been treating everyone with. And the more I think about spending time with myself, the worse the

scenario happens, as if the universe magically turns the blissfulness into exhilarating loneliness. Time rushes by and every single day I drift away from myself. And the vicious cycle of being kind to others just because of the fear of not losing people kills my

will to smile. I feel abandoned in my skin, which strangely is coloured with every hue except mine. And no matter, how much ever I try, I just fail to adhere to

any story which might unite me with mine, for everything feels strange.But like the spring waiting for the cold dead trees, like

a tired traveller probing for oasis in a desert, and like the golden harvest waiting for the rays to give it a lustrous ambience; I will wait for the part where I meet myself. The process will teach me how to grow

And if there's nothing I can do about who I am, I will learnt to accept. I will embrace the brokenness which beautified the person me, for all these years of experience taught me that I ain't here to give my everything to people who forget about it the moment they are content. The journey so far has taught me to

burn myself like the sun just for everyone else;

however, I simply couldn't comprehend the part

wherein it also taught me to be the sun - fiery, glorious, inevitable, invincible, vast, radiating, and yet humble, complete, filled with life, full of love, undisputed and simply beautiful. I couldn't understand the fact that it's not the people in your life who decide who you are, iť's just about how you feel about yourself. And just like the moon, which feels non existent without the sun, I realised that my life is a lie without myself in it.


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